What Not To Say When You Don’t Like Your Teen’s Friends

During my son’s elementary school years and most of middle school, I really enjoyed his friends. They were sweet, curious, and thoughtful kids who generally made good decisions. While they were not perfect and would sometimes get carried away like all kids do when they are together, there was never anyone who seemed like a bad influence, made my son feel bad about himself, or was unkind to others.

However, everything changed when my son entered 8th grade and started hanging out with a different group of kids who made questionable choices and were not very respectful towards me. While I don’t think they were bad kids, I noticed a shift in my son’s behavior and choices that made it hard not to blame his new friends.

I made the mistake of expressing my disapproval of his new friends and their influence on him. Despite my concerns, my son continued to spend time with them, which strained our relationship. This led to him feeling ashamed and like I didn’t trust his ability to make good decisions.

I learned the hard way that as parents, we cannot choose our teen’s friends. It is important to approach the situation delicately and avoid shaming or criticizing our teens for their choices. Instead, experts suggest spending time with your teen, listening to their perspective, and empowering them to make their own decisions.

By shifting my approach and having open conversations with my son, our relationship improved, and he felt more empowered to make his own choices. It is crucial to show our teens that we trust them and support their ability to make good decisions, even if we don’t always agree with their choices. It can be challenging to convey to your teen that you are a supportive and safe space for them if you criticize their choices. While we may not have control over our teen’s friends, we can control how we react when they make decisions we disagree with. It’s important to approach these situations with compassion and open communication rather than placing blame.

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