Should children participate in household chores?

Expert / 29 December, 2024 / My Baba

Should children participate in household chores? According to family coach and speaker Lori Sugarman-Li, there’s a wonderful opportunity to enlighten children on the scope and value of the work that goes into daily family life. Not with the idea of burdening children with this work. Rather, to invite them to be essential players on the family team. To foster empowerment and skill-building and instill pride in participation. Kids are thoughtful and capable, and their contributions can meaningfully impact how a family thrives.

However, a great deal of what it takes to run a home and family is invisible. It happens in the shadows, when children are asleep or at school, or is unseen because it lies in the cognitive or “mental load” of this work.

Shining a light on the unpaid labor that sustains our families has multiple benefits.

• To Mum, who typically shoulders the bulk of this work – it’s a chance to be increasingly seen, understood, valued and shared.
• To whole family wellness, when support of one another becomes centered in gratitude and the division of labor is redistributed to reflect greater equity.
• To the children themselves who, a Harvard study says, will achieve greater professional success and personal relationship strength as a result of their engagement in chores.

In support of children’s understanding of and cooperation in the tasks of home, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (2018) cites:

“Research suggests there are benefits to including chores in a child’s routine as early as age 3. Children who do chores may exhibit higher self-esteem, be more responsible, and be better equipped to deal with frustration, adversity, and delayed gratification. These skills can lead to greater success in school, work, and relationships.”

Should children participate in household chores?

It can be tempting to want to protect younger children from this “work,” encouraging them to bask instead, while they can, in a bubble of play. Equally, we might guide our older children to focus solely on the academics and extracurricular involvements that will lead directly to their desired post-graduate plan.

According to a Braun Research study, only 28% of parents require their children to do chores.

Holistic parenting, however, requires us to prepare our kids to be independent and, someday, maybe partners too. The skills required for them to appreciate and maintain the wellness that accompany success in learning, like preparing a nourishing snack, maintaining clean bed linens and organized, tidy spaces cannot be ingrained too early.

Involving children in the work of home doesn’t have to be a battle or compromise. With patience and encouragement, you can partner with children in developing a willing and meaningful contribution to the household.

These 10 tips can help propel your whole family to a more connected and supportive approach to household tasks:

1. Sit down together and regroup on family values. Include children in a conversation about what is important – and what is not – to the way your family unit flows through life.
2. Reflect with kids on the scope and the “why” of this work your family takes on. It is much more than a list of “to-dos” – there is meaning behind each task.
3. Change the energy you give to the word “chore.” Talk about them not as dreaded tasks but as acts of gratitude for all you have and care for the space you share.
4. Include children in setting standards for task completion. Have them collaborate with you on breaking larger chores into smaller, clear, manageable, and manageable steps. Talk about and honor that we are all wired differently and create standards that allow everyone to thrive.
5. Play to kids’ strengths by matching them with tasks that suit their skills, passions, needs, or desire for support.
6. Make it fun by incorporating challenges, rewards, sibling swaps where kids clean each other’s spaces, etc. Play music, break for special treats – anything that incorporates delight!
7. Empower children to be “noticers”, “owners”, “leaders” of their tasks – not just executes.
8. Acknowledge the pull of distractions like screens and social media and incorporate them into the tasks. Have your kids make a how-to empty the dishwasher video to share with friends on a private YouTube channel or encourage them to save Premier League highlights so they can watch while folding socks and towels.
9. Recognize there is beauty and meaning in doing this work together. Invite children to join you in safe and age-appropriate tasks. By observing and dabbling, they will grow into independent people. Connecting with our children need not only occur during moments of relaxation or leisure. Sharing the work of home and care is also a wonderful chance for bonding, laughing and growth.
10. Acknowledge their efforts. Commend them for attempting and completing tasks without a focus on perfection. Also, share the impact their contribution had on you, i.e., how you used the freed-up time. Positive reinforcement propels their confidence and encourages commitment to the process.

Children want to feel trusted, considered, and a part of important things. Setting them up for success and ensuring they feel meaningful in their contribution will benefit the entire family.

The home is our most important organization. The family is the ultimate team.

Article by Lori Sugarman-Li, Family Coach, Speaker, and the author of acclaimed children’s book Our Home – The Love, Work and Heart of Family

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