How to Stop Living in the Past & Embrace The Present

Do you often find yourself dwelling on past mistakes? Or regularly think about negative past experiences, feeling all those emotions that you did at the time? You might be living in the past, so to speak.

Many people find it hard to let go of the past and find themselves holding onto situations, people, or mistakes. It’s human nature to focus on the negatives sometimes. This is often called rumination.

Rumination means dwelling on negative thoughts and experiences, sort of like getting stuck in a pattern of overthinking. An article from the American Psychological Association explains that rumination can lead to issues with thinking clearly, problem-solving, mood, and can even cause problems in relationships with others.

When you’re living in the past, it means you aren’t fully enjoying your life. You aren’t making the most of what’s happening in the present and enjoying new experiences. You can’t progress if you are ‘stuck’.

So, what can you do about it? There are lots of ways you can free yourself from the past and move forward.

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1. Face Your Feelings

Before you can move forward, you first need to face your feelings. This can be difficult, and as a result, a lot of people bottle up their feelings or avoid fully addressing difficult memories. Unfortunately, avoiding them stops you from healing and getting on with your life.

It’s time to acknowledge and accept what’s happened so you can process it properly. Your feelings are valid, but you need to really feel them before you can overcome them.

If you are struggling with past trauma or just don’t feel you can do this alone, you might need the help of someone else to process things. You could turn to someone you trust or seek professional help. There are lots of types of therapy that can be beneficial.

2. Deal With Unresolved Problems

If you’ve been avoiding problems from the past and they are still left unresolved, you might be able to resolve them. This won’t be possible for all situations, but if you can, proactively resolve problems so you can move on.

You might be able to communicate with people who are still in your life to resolve any issues between you, for example. You may be able to apologize to someone you’ve wronged or correct a mistake you made.

Don’t worry if this isn’t possible for your situation: you can still move forward. We’ll talk about that later on.

3. Focus On What You Can Change

There’s no point dwelling on things you can’t change (although that’s easier said than done). Instead, try to let go of what you can’t change and focus on what you can have an influence over.

Be proactive in changing things in your life that you aren’t happy with. Work towards what you want your future to be. Work on yourself and be the best version of yourself.

4. Forgive Yourself

We all make mistakes; it’s part of being human. There’s no one on this earth who hasn’t made a mistake in their life. It doesn’t make you a bad person or a failure.

Holding onto a sense of guilt or being harsh with yourself for getting something wrong isn’t productive. It only makes you feel worse and keeps you stuck in the past.

Try to forgive yourself for past mistakes. Accept that you aren’t perfect, and that’s ok. Understand that making mistakes is how we learn and grow as people.

5. Forgive Others

Some people find it difficult to forgive others for how they’ve hurt them or wronged them in the past. You might find you’re holding onto a grudge or find yourself feeling angry, hurt, or betrayed when you think about what they did.

While these feelings are valid, once you’ve processed them it’s time to let them go. If you can, work on forgiving the people who wronged you. You could speak to them directly or if it’s more practical, just choose to forgive them in your mind.

Forgiving them doesn’t mean that you understand what they did or that you feel sorry for them. It doesn’t mean that they were in the right.

Instead, it frees you to move forward, rather than continuing to allow their negative actions to affect your life.

This article from John M. Grohol, Psy.D. explains that: “forgiveness isn’t saying, “I agree with what you did.” Instead, it’s saying, “I don’t agree with what you did, but I forgive you anyway.”

6. Give Yourself Closure

On a similar note, so often people are stuck in the past because they didn’t get the closure they needed. A relationship or situation may not have ended the way you expected or wanted, and you find yourself waiting for that closure.

Unfortunately, it’s not always possible to get closure from another person. They may no longer be around, or they may not be in an emotional place to give you what you need. So, instead, it’s time to give yourself the closure you need.

Accept in your mind that this situation is over: it wasn’t perfect but that’s ok. You can move forward with this acceptance, and allow yourself to ‘close the door’ on the situation.

John M. Grohol, Psy.D. states that: “Making the conscious decision to let it go also means accepting you have a choice to let it go.” He goes on to explain that realizing you have this choice is empowering and allows you to take back control.

7. Take Lessons With You

Even negative experiences and mistakes can have an upside: they can teach us lessons.