Accept These 10 Things About Parenting Teens

I have witnessed the struggles of my friends with their teenagers and young adults. Often, there is a direct conflict with the person their child has become.

However, sometimes the struggle arises from our inability to comprehend the fact that time transforms the small child who once occupied our every thought into a young adult who requires us to step back and give them space.

I have discovered that there are certain truths that, once accepted, can ease the heartache of parenting a grown child.

Once you acknowledge and grasp these ten things about parenting, life will become more manageable…

10 Truisms About Parenting

1. Don’t try to change your children

I used to believe that if I parented “correctly,” I could mold my child into what I desired them to be. That wasn’t the case. I could assist my children in becoming the best version of themselves, but fundamentally, they were themselves from the moment they were born. Accept your children for who they are, with all their strengths and flaws, and enhance their best qualities. Don’t try to make them mirror images of yourself because you can’t.

2. Your relationship with your kids will never be 50/50.

The relationship you share with your children will never be evenly balanced, not even close to 50/50. I’ve heard many complaints along the lines of, “After everything I’ve done for them, they can’t even…” The sooner you acknowledge the imbalance in the relationship, the better off you’ll be. Someday, when they have children of their own, they will understand. But for now, if you can achieve a 90/10 relationship, consider yourself fortunate.

3. Your job as a parent will change as your child gets older

Life is constantly shifting the goalposts. While you are engrossed in raising children, it may seem like that phase will never end. However, we all know that every phase passes, only to be replaced by another phase and a different style of parenting. This cycle repeats endlessly.

4. Parenthood will become your identity

The role of a parent will become a significant part of your identity for a period, overshadowing all other roles. Parenting is the most immersive, all-encompassing experience you will ever have.

5. Your children will do stupid things

It’s not your fault. Repeat after me – “It’s not my fault.” Don’t take the blame for their mistakes. Teenagers sometimes exhibit a worrying lack of judgment that is unrelated to your parenting. This will eventually resolve itself as they mature.

6. Parents are placeholders

A friend once described the role of a mother as a placeholder, and I couldn’t agree more. If all goes well, parents are holding space for someone who will eventually be their child’s life partner. This can be difficult to accept, but it is a powerful position to be in.

Don’t view it as a demotion when they find their love; think about how impactful and meaningful your role was and congratulate yourself for performing it well enough that they want to start their own family. Then try to love their partner almost as much as your child.

7. You will always love your children but sometimes you will not like them

Our children can behave in ways that make them unlikable. It’s okay to have moments when you don’t like them. There are moments when they don’t like us much either. However, there will always be a foundation of love.

8. Parenting is not a competitive sport

Don’t compare your parenting style to others. We are all unique individuals – you parent your child, and let others parent theirs. End of story.

9. Pick your battles

We learned this lesson when they were young, and it is even more crucial now. There is inherent conflict in the parent-child relationship. Choose to fight or establish boundaries only for things that are genuinely important to you.

10. Parents are the “keepers”

No matter where your children go or who they are with, you will always be the keeper of their history, struggles, joys, and dreams.

We all face challenges with our older children at times, but keeping these truths in mind may help you let go of some things.

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