A Spinning Worry by Robin Stern, Ph.D. and Diana Divecha, Ph.D.

During a family dinner last year with my niece and nephew and their two adorable daughters, five-year-old Sofia asked me to read A Little SPOT of Worry by Diane Alber. In this book, Alber explains the concept of two types of worry: useful worry that keeps you safe, and spinning worry that can prevent you from fully enjoying life.

Sofia was captivated as she shared her own spinning worries, such as being afraid to jump high in the air for fear of falling and getting hurt. With her mother’s guidance on landing safely, Sofia was able to overcome her spinning worry.

It became evident to me that this book was not just meant for children, but also for parents like me.

For instance, when your child is learning to rollerblade, useful worry prompts you to ensure they take necessary safety precautions, like wearing a helmet. This allows the excitement of rollerblading to be experienced with confidence. Useful worrying helps parents identify risks and take appropriate measures.

On the other hand, spinning worry magnifies risks to an extreme, leading to thoughts like “What if they fall and get hurt?” or “What if they can’t stop?” Such worries can overshadow the joy of the moment and hinder the child’s activities.

While it’s natural for parents to worry about their child’s safety, excessive spinning worry can negatively impact both the parent’s emotional well-being and the child’s experience. It is essential to find a balance between being vigilant and allowing children the freedom to explore.

As parents, we are wired to be watchful over our children’s safety, but this vigilance can sometimes spiral into unnecessary anxiety and fear. It’s important to address spinning worries early on to prevent them from escalating into more significant concerns.

By utilizing strategies to manage spinning worries, parents can model effective emotional regulation for their children. Taking care of oneself and seeking support from a network of parents can also help in coping with parenting stress.

Parenting is a continuous learning process, and by addressing spinning worries effectively, parents can create a more positive and enriching environment for both themselves and their children.

The authors extend their gratitude to Diane Alber for her valuable insights in the book A Little SPOT of Worry.

Robin Stern, Ph.D., is the co-founder and senior adviser to the director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, a psychoanalyst, author, and podcast host.

Diana Divecha, Ph.D., is a developmental psychologist, an assistant clinical professor at the Yale Child Study Center, and a board member of the Greater Good Science Center.