Advice

A Parent’s Journey Through Roller Coaster Years

Published

6 months ago

June 18, 2024

During a family birthday gathering, my 17-year-old daughter confessed to crying to two separate family members without my knowledge, leaving me feeling crushed. I had sensed something was off all day and tried to connect with her, but was met with stonewalling typical of a teenager. It hurts when your child seeks comfort from others instead of you.

As a parent, I am often at a loss for words. ( Photo Credit: Susan Connelly)

We parents often search for the right words

Parenting teenagers involves navigating shifting sands and trying to find the right words to connect with them. We are deeply invested in our children’s well-being, feeling their highs and lows as if they were our own. It can feel like a roller coaster ride, blindfolded and unsure of what lies ahead.

Our parenting styles are shaped by our own childhoods, with many of us moving away from the dismissive phrases of the past towards a more open and communicative approach. However, neither extreme is always successful in meeting our children’s needs.

In parenting, I often get it wrong

As a parent, I often feel like I get it wrong, especially when compared to my husband’s ability to offer simple yet impactful words of comfort. Finding the balance between pushing our children and giving them space is a constant challenge.

We parent differently than our own parents did

Our parenting styles are often influenced by how we were raised, with many of us choosing to be more expressive and communicative with our children. However, finding the right balance between being heard and understood can be a challenge.

I’m never sure when to push or when to step back and give space

Parenting is a constant juggling act, trying to navigate the gray areas between pushing our children and giving them space to grow. It’s a judgment call that doesn’t always have a clear answer.

We need to realize that our children exist fully outside of us

As parents, our attachment to our children is primal, but we need to remember that they are individuals with their own thoughts and feelings. It’s a delicate balance between caring for them and giving them the space to grow on their own terms.

Parenting becomes a challenging task when we fail to acknowledge and respect the fact that our children are independent beings with their own bodies, minds, and emotions. They hold the key to their hearts, deciding who to let in and when.

As our daughter prepares to leave for college, our role as parents must evolve. We are no longer needed to fix her problems or guide her every step. Instead, we should empower her to look within herself for solutions and support her in finding the right path.

The essence of parenting lies in nurturing our children’s self-awareness and self-reliance. By helping them understand their emotions, identify what brings them joy, and recognize their strengths, we equip them with the confidence to navigate life’s challenges on their own.

It is not our duty to shield our children from difficulties but to acknowledge our own emotional baggage and biases that may affect our responses. By focusing on our own healing, we create a safe space for our children to grow and thrive independently.

Encouraging our children to believe in their abilities and providing a foundation of self-assurance allows them to spread their wings and soar. And when they need us as a comforting presence, we can be there to offer solace and support in times of need.

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Overall, effective parenting involves striking a balance between guiding and letting go, empowering our children to become resilient individuals capable of navigating life’s challenges with confidence. Could you please rephrase that statement?