Embracing My True Self and Guiding Parents on Supporting Transgender Children

Embarking on a journey of self-realization and identity affirmation has been a profound experience for me, illuminated by conscious love. It all began with coming out as a lesbian at the age of 14, followed by embracing my transgender identity at 49. These pivotal moments were not just about revealing my true self but also about seeking profound understanding and acceptance, especially from my family. My mother, in particular, has been my strongest advocate, friend, confidante, and biggest supporter. While the journey hasn’t always been easy, love, patience, and understanding have been our guiding lights since my teenage years. This unique experience has given me valuable insights into how parents can effectively support their transgender children and relatives.

First Revelation: The Complexity of Identity

Coming out as a lesbian was a significant step towards self-acceptance, a declaration of my sexual orientation. However, embracing my transgender identity was a deeper and more intricate revelation. It wasn’t just about who I loved but fundamentally about who I am. For parents and family members, understanding the complexity of this process is crucial. Recognizing that coming out as transgender involves a profound journey of self-discovery and acceptance, often accompanied by emotional and psychological challenges.

Communicating About Transgender Identity to Children

When a family member affirms their gender identity, it is essential to explain this to children in an age-appropriate and honest manner. Use simple language to describe how some individuals feel that their outward appearance does not align with their inner self, and affirming their gender is a way of harmonizing these aspects. Stress the importance of respecting and empathizing with everyone’s unique identity.

Supporting Your Child’s Transition

If your child expresses a desire to transition, it is a moment to practice conscious love. Listen to them without judgment, seek to understand their feelings and needs, and educate yourself about transgender issues to provide informed and compassionate support. Remember, it’s about affirming their identity and offering the love and acceptance they require.

Seeking Professional Insight

Consulting with gender identity specialists, such as therapists and medical professionals, is essential. These experts can provide guidance and support not only to your child but to the entire family, helping navigate the physical, emotional, and social aspects of transitioning.

Cultivating a Supportive Home Environment

Creating a nurturing and accepting home environment is vital. Respect your child’s chosen name and pronouns, support their gender expression, and shield them from discrimination. A supportive home serves as a foundation where a child can confidently embrace their authentic self.

Building a Community of Support

Connecting with other families with transgender members can offer invaluable support and understanding. These communities provide a space to share experiences, gain advice, and find emotional support from those who have shared similar journeys.

Overcoming Challenges and Advocacy

Prepare to face societal challenges and misconceptions. Teach your child resilience against prejudice, ensure they have access to mental health support when needed, and advocate for their rights as a parent. Work towards educating others to foster a more accepting and informed society.

Embracing the Journey Together

Affirming one’s gender is a journey for both the individual and their family, regardless of age. It is a continuous process of learning, understanding, and sometimes making mistakes. Mistakes are a part of growth and lead to greater understanding when approached with sensitivity. The key is to maintain open communication, demonstrate unconditional love, and support your child every step of the way, embodying conscious love for all involved.

In my personal journey, coming out twice was a quest for and cultivation of conscious love from my family, friends, and society. To parents navigating similar paths, remember that your empathy, education, and unwavering support are the most valuable gifts you can offer your transgender child as they strive to live authentically.

Family Resources:

1. National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE): This organization provides a variety of resources focused on the rights of transgender families and individuals, addressing issues such as parenting, discrimination, and legal challenges faced by transgender individuals and their families.
2. Human Rights Campaign (HRC): HRC offers a comprehensive guide on understanding and supporting transgender children and youth, co-published with medical professionals. They offer insights into gender dysphoria, the significance of parental support, and practical ways to advocate for and affirm your transgender child.
3. PFLAG: As one of the oldest organizations supporting the LGBTQ+ community, PFLAG offers support for families, friends, and allies of transgender individuals. They provide educational resources, support groups, and advocacy information, serving as a valuable resource for parents and families adjusting to a loved one’s transition.

Dr. Elijah Nicholas, author of Madoodle, a trans-friendly family and children’s book, has created a picture story that allows a 10-year-old girl to express compassion and experience unconditional love for her Uncle Pete, a transgender man who was once Auntie Mary, the girl’s favorite aunt.