What Parents Need to Know (and Avoid)

Sitting across from my middle school aged daughter, I could see the struggle on her face. The furrowed brow, irritability, quietness, and frustrated sighs were all signs of unhappiness, calling for a mom intervention, or so I thought.

As I observed her closely, I bombarded her with questions. How are things at soccer? How are things with your friends? How about school and the workload? Did you hear back on the social studies exam? After receiving several shoulder shrugs, I scrambled for more questions, my mind racing with ideas.

My daughter assured me that it’s okay for her not be okay all the time

After a few moments and many questions, my daughter lifted her head and looked me in the eyes. “You know, it’s okay that I’m not happy sometimes, right? And, you don’t need to do anything about it.”

It was a parenting moment where I needed to listen and acknowledge her experience. I realized that I had been an emotional perfectionist, trying to fix every issue my kids faced instead of letting them navigate their emotions on their own.

Parents are well-intended when they try to solve their kids’ problems

My daughter was right. I had been trying to solve her problems out of love and concern, but I was inadvertently robbing her of the opportunity to learn and grow from her own experiences. I needed to step back and let her find her own way through challenges.

As parents, it’s important to recognize when we are being emotionally perfectionistic and allow our children the space to struggle and learn from their own experiences.

Expecting emotional perfectionism in kids puts a lot of pressure on them

Expecting emotional perfectionism from our children can create unnecessary pressure for them to always appear happy and composed. It’s important to let them express their emotions and work through challenges in their own way.

As parents, our goal should be to provide support when needed and to allow our children the space to grow and learn from their own experiences.

A parent’s goal should be to be available for support if needed

It’s crucial to read the room and understand when our children need space to work through their emotions on their own. Offering a listening ear and support when requested can be more beneficial than trying to solve every problem for them.

By recognizing and addressing our own emotional perfectionism as parents, we can create a healthier environment for our children to navigate challenges and develop resilience.

More Great Reading:

The Crushing Culture of Parental Expectations

This article is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice. If you or your child are struggling with emotional perfectionism, consider seeking guidance from a qualified mental health provider.