If you want to make an upcoming birthday a fun and lighthearted celebration then today’s post will help you out.
In it I want to share 91 of the wittiest and most funny birthday quotes about youth, aging and life.
Use one or a couple of them in a card, in a text or a social media post on for example Instagram.
Or simply use one of them in your birthday speech to your friend, sister, brother, coworker or whoever you are celebrating to make them laugh and make their special day even more fun.
Funny Birthday Quotes for Friends (and Your Best Friend)
“You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.”
– Ogden Nash
“I believe you forgot my birthday present last year, so now I’m returning the favor. Happy Birthday!”
– Unknown
“Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen.”
– Jim Gaffigan
…
“You get better.”
– Joan Rivers
“Aging gracefully means being flexible, being open, allowing change, enjoying change, and loving yourself.”
– Wendy Whelan
Funny Birthday Quotes for Men on the Inevitable Changes in Life
“A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’”
– Claude Pepper
“A man has reached middle age when he’s warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police.”
– Henry Youngman
“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”
– George Burns
“Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places.”
– E. Joseph Cossman
“You’re only as old as the woman you feel.”
– Groucho Marx
“Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.”
– Larry David
“In middle age, the soul should be opening up like a rose, not closing up like a cabbage.”
– John Andrew Holmes
“Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature.”
– Harold Coffin
“I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age, I’m very pleased to be anywhere.”
– George Burns
“Middle age is when you’re faced with two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home by 9 o’clock.”
– Ronald Reagan
“I mean, I’m not a kid anymore. I could go tomorrow. And I hope I go tomorrow. I haven’t gone today yet.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
“Life’s a short trip. You’ll find out.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
“I’ve been in therapy. I know enough about myself now to know that I really don’t need to know anymore.”
– Larry David
“Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.”
– Ogden Nash
“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.”
– Mark Twain
“Happy Birthday to a [Mom/Dad] who’s smart, funny, and good-looking, from a [daughter/son] who inherited all your best qualities.”
– Good/Smart Child
“Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.”
– George Burns
“I’m sixty years of age. That’s 16 Celsius.”
– George Carlin
Funny Birthday Quotes for Coworkers
“Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on, and everybody rushes to get a piece?”
– Bobby Kelton
“Every year on my birthday, I start a new playlist titled after my current age so I can keep track of my favorite songs of the year as a sort of musical diary because I am a teenage girl.”
– Chris Hardwick
“Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.”
– Dave Barry
“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.”
– Kurt Vonnegut
“The goal of life is to take everything that made you weird as a kid and get people to pay you money for it when you’re older.”
– David Freeman
“You know you’re getting old when all the names in your black book have M.D. after them.”
– Harrison Ford
“We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.”
– Will Rogers
“At my age, flowers scare me.”
– George Burns
“Fighting aging is like the War on Drugs. It’s expensive, does more harm than good, and has been proven to never end.”
– Amy Poehler
“The aging process is not gradual or gentle. It rushes up, pushes you over, and runs off laughing.”
– John Mortimer
“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.”
– George Carlin
“Old age comes at a bad time.”
– San Banducci
“Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up.”
– John Wagner
“Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings, and you hope it isn’t for you.”
– George Burns
“We don’t stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.”
– Eubie Blake
“I have too many wrinkles to have this little money!”
– Cathy Guisewite
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.”
– George Burns
“It’s true, some wine improves with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place.”
– Abigail Van Buren
Want more inspiration for celebrations coming up soon? Then check out these inspirational birthday quotes, the short birthday quotes in this post and the inspirational wedding quotes here. Plus, this one with short wedding quotes.
