3 Mindsets You Need to Transform Your Listening Skills and Build Stronger Relationships

“You don’t have a problem with talking,” my speech therapist told me. “You just tend to focus too much on what you want to say and how others perceive you, rather than truly listening to them.” As a shy child with a severe stutter who prided himself on his listening skills, this was not what I wanted to hear. However, my therapist was correct.

The key to effective verbal communication and building connections with others lies in our ability to deeply absorb and understand the thoughts, feelings, challenges, and desires of those around us. Without this ability to truly listen, it becomes impossible to contribute meaningfully to a conversation.

Much of the advice we receive on how to become a better listener revolves around being an active listener. In my twenty-year career in communication and entrepreneurship, I have found that the best listeners are those who choose to be present, curious, and empathetic.

Developing these qualities may sound appealing, but it requires us to set aside our ego and personal agenda in order to prioritize the person we are engaging with. Here are three mindsets that can help you become a stronger listener as you forge meaningful relationships with others.

1. Be More Present by Adopting the Mindset of a Feather

In today’s fast-paced world, it can be challenging to stay focused on the present moment during conversations. Our worries about work, finances, family, and health often distract us. Additionally, past experiences can subconsciously influence our interactions.

To overcome these distractions, try to approach conversations with a lightness of being, like a feather. Take note of the thoughts and worries that consistently pull you away from fully listening to others, and make a conscious effort to set them aside during conversations.

By adopting the mindset of a feather, you can create space for genuine connections with those around you.

2. Be More Curious by Adopting the Mindset of a Biographer

Building connections with others involves creating an environment where people feel comfortable revealing themselves. Instead of asking broad questions like “Where are you from?” try adopting the mindset of a biographer.

Ask thoughtful questions that allow people to share their experiences, interests, and values. By taking a genuine interest in their story and asking specific follow-up questions, you can deepen your understanding of who they are.

3. Be More Empathetic by Adopting the Mindset of a Smart Parrot

Reflective listening is a powerful tool for showing empathy and understanding during conversations. Instead of offering advice or downplaying someone’s feelings, summarize what you have heard in your own words.

Being a smart parrot means putting the pieces together and showing that you are actively listening and engaged in the conversation. This can help people feel heard and understood, strengthening your connection with them.

By becoming a better listener, you can lay the foundation for meaningful connections with others. It may seem like a daunting task, but the effort is well worth it. Listening is the key to becoming the kind of person others respect and are drawn to.