15 Signs a Guy is Pretending To Be Straight

Something feels off, and you sense it.

You’ve struggled to pinpoint it until now.

Now you suspect that your partner hasn’t been completely honest with you: he’s behaving as if he’s straight when it’s becoming increasingly evident that he’s not.

When it comes to sexual orientation, society has set certain norms and expectations that can make things complicated.

It’s not uncommon for individuals to grapple with their sexual identity, especially when being gay, bisexual, or queer can still result in discrimination and rejection.

These societal attitudes can lead some individuals to hide their true sexual orientation, often going to great lengths to appear as heterosexual.

How can you tell if someone is genuinely heterosexual or pretending to be?

Let’s delve into some revealing signs that indicate your partner may be concealing something about their true sexual identity.

Why Would a Guy Pretend to Be Straight?

It’s more common than not for gay or bisexual individuals to keep their sexual preferences hidden. A study by the Yale School of Public Health reveals that “The vast majority of the world’s sexual minority population — an estimated 83 percent of those who identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual — keep their orientation hidden from all or most of the people in their lives.”

For most people, coming out as gay or bisexual can be a challenging and daunting process. The fear of judgment or ostracism prevents them from fully embracing their true identity.

As a result, some men pretend to be straight to avoid confronting these challenges or to conform to societal expectations. Or perhaps they are still unsure themselves.

There are numerous reasons why a guy might pretend to be straight. Here are some of the most common ones:

• • Fear of discrimination: Sadly, discrimination, prejudice, and intolerance against LGBTQ individuals remain prevalent. It can even come from those closest to them, significantly deterring someone from coming out.
  • Social pressure: In many cultures, heterosexuality is considered the norm, while anything outside of that is often stigmatized or frowned upon. This can create immense pressure for men attracted to other men to hide their true feelings, live in secrecy, or conform to societal expectations.
  • Internalized homophobia: Some men may struggle with shame or discomfort regarding their sexuality. This internalized homophobia can lead them to deny their true identity and pretend to be straight to cope.
  • Prior experience: If a gay or bisexual man has had a negative experience disclosing his sexual orientation, he is more likely to keep it concealed to avoid a similar reaction.

15 Signs a Guy is Pretending To Be Straight

If you’ve ever wondered if he’s pretending to be straight but is actually gay, there are several key signs to watch out for. Some are more obvious than others, but when observed together, they can provide a clearer picture.

1. He Avoids Conversations about Sexuality

If you’ve noticed that your partner seems uncomfortable or evasive when the topic of sexual orientation arises, this could be a red flag.

He may quickly change the subject or appear disinterested in discussing anything related to LGBTQ issues. He may also become agitated or defensive if the conversation persists.

This could indicate that he’s concealing something about his sexual identity and attempting to sidestep any potential questions or comments.

2. He Is Overly Close to One Male Friend

While having close male friends is entirely normal, it can raise concerns if your partner appears excessively attached to one particular person.

If he’s constantly texting or calling this individual and insists on spending time with him, even when other friends are present, this could suggest that something deeper is at play.

It might indicate that your partner is attracted to this person or has a covert relationship with him.

3. He Doesn’t Show Interest in Women

Naturally, many heterosexual men will display interest in women – even women who are not their partners or spouses.

Many women can attest to catching their partners taking second glances at other women or even flirting with them.

If your partner appears indifferent to the presence of women or shows no interest in them, he may not be romantically attracted to them. Instead, he may be interested in men.

4. He Is Secretive About His Personal Life

Does your partner keep many aspects of his life a secret? He may be concealing his true identity.

He may be vague about how he spends his time or who he’s been hanging out with. He may also be hesitant to share details about past relationships or how he identifies with his sexuality.

All these things can be clues that your partner is not fully honest with you.

5. You Catch Him Staring at Other Men

While it’s normal for people to admire physical beauty, if your partner seems fixated on other men’s bodies or appearance, it’s worth considering whether he might be grappling with his sexuality.

Of course, he may simply be appreciating another guy’s style or physical fitness, but if he appears to go out of his way to look at men or can’t take his eyes off them, it’s worth exploring further.

Remember, this isn’t necessarily a definitive sign that he’s pretending to be straight, but it could be one piece of a larger puzzle.

6. He’s Openly Prejudiced Against LGBTQ People

According to research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, individuals who identify as heterosexual yet exhibit a strong attraction to the same sex in psychological tests may feel threatened by those who identify as gay or lesbian.

This reaction is likely because homosexuals remind them of similar tendencies within themselves, forcing them to confront an inner conflict they are uncomfortable with.

If your partner is openly prejudiced against LGBTQ individuals, it could indicate that he’s attempting to overcompensate for his feelings.

7. He’s Overly Interested in Your LGBTQ Friends

While there’s nothing wrong with being curious about other people’s lives, if he appears excessively fascinated by their sexuality, it could suggest that he’s struggling with his feelings.

He may be using his interest in your LGBTQ friends to explore his attraction to men without fully admitting it to himself or you.

Moreover, if he frequently asks questions about your LGBTQ friends’ relationships or sexual experiences, it could indicate that he’s trying to gather information about what it’s like to be in a same-sex relationship.

8. He Focuses on His Masculinity

It’s natural for individuals to desire acceptance from their peers, and having a strong sense of masculinity is often viewed as a way to fit in, particularly in male-dominated spaces.

However, if your partner consistently talks about how masculine he is or how much he enjoys “guy stuff,” it could suggest that he’s trying to compensate for his true sexual orientation.

He might also feel the need to prove his masculinity to reassure himself of his heterosexuality.

9. He Frequently Jokes About Being Gay

Many men who are in the closet use humor as a way to deflect attention from their true feelings.

By making light of the situation or joking about being gay, they may attempt to distance themselves from their true sexuality and avoid suspicion.

Furthermore, making these types of jokes can be a way for them to test the waters and gauge your reaction.

Responding negatively can confirm their fears and reinforce their decision to remain in the closet. Conversely, responding positively could encourage them to open up and be more honest about their true identity.

10. He Has Phone Apps Related to Gay Men

If your partner has apps on his phone associated with the LGBT community, such as Grindr or Scruff, it’s another indication that he’s struggling to understand how he identifies.

Even if he claims these apps are solely for “research” or “networking” purposes, it’s worth examining how he uses them and how frequently.

11. Your Intuition Tells You Something Isn’t Right

Sometimes the best indicator of how someone identifies can come from your own gut feeling.

If you’re in a relationship with a guy who appears to be concealing something, it’s worth exploring how he’s feeling on a deeper level and why he may not be open about how he identifies.

Although this is a challenging conversation, it could help both of you clarify how he truly feels.

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12. He Never Seems Interested in Intimacy With You

It’s not uncommon for men who are in the closet to avoid physical intimacy with their partners, as they may be too afraid of how it could make them feel.

If he appears disinterested in intimacy with you or only engages when prompted, he’s likely struggling with his sexuality.

13. He Never Uses Gender-Specific Pronouns When Talking About Past Relationships

When a guy pretends to be straight, he may refrain from using gender-specific pronouns when discussing past relationships.

Instead of saying, “I dated a girl in college,” he may say something like, “I dated someone in college,” or “I was in a relationship a few years ago.”

It could be because he is uncomfortable acknowledging his same-sex experiences or because he wants to maintain the illusion that he is exclusively attracted to women.

14. He Has a Lot of Male Friends Who Are Openly Gay or Bisexual

He may feel more at ease around them because they do not judge him for his sexuality. Additionally, he may use these friendships to distance himself from any suspicion that he is gay.

However, it’s important to note that having close LGBTQIA+ friends does not necessarily mean someone is pretending to be straight, as individuals of different sexual orientations can have close friendships.

Therefore, it’s crucial to consider other signs and behaviors as well.

15. He Is Overly Concerned with His Appearance and How Other Men Perceive Him

He may strive to fit into the traditional masculine stereotype to avoid suspicion about his sexuality.

He may devote a lot of time to grooming, working out, or dressing in a specific way to appear more masculine. He may also be preoccupied with his behavior around other men, avoiding any actions or words that may be viewed as gay.

Overall, his preoccupation with his appearance and behavior around men may be a way to mask his true sexual orientation.